I was touched that Gina Claye, Editor of "Compassion", contacted me to ask if I'd like to write a piece about Adam for the journal. It has just been printed in the Winter edition. It's in full below: Remembering Adam – a Piece for The Compassionate Friends’ “Compassion” Magazine. 1st July 2007 – you may well remember it. It was the day the “No Smoking” ban came into force in public places in England. It was also the day that Princes William and Harry staged a charity concert at Wembley Stadium, attended by thousands, to commemorate their late mother Princess Diana, whose birthday fell on 1st July. But for my family and scores of friends of all ages, it will forever remain in our memories for an entirely different, tragic reason. It was on that day that my dearly loved 19 year old son Adam drowned in the Bay of Laganas, Zante, Greece. We are an ordinary family, and like everyone else, deal with the usual ups and downs of everyday life, but nothing could prepare us for the awful shock of losing such a special young man. Adam had gone to Hurst Primary School in Bexley, then passed his 11+ and moved on to Chislehurst & Sidcup Grammar School. He loved all sports, and as he grew into a young man he excelled in this sphere, whether it was athletics, rounders, football, cricket, ski-ing, rugby or any other activity. He was an exceptional rugby player, and captained the school’s team in what was to be a record-breaking season, winning 20 out of 21 fixtures. He was a final triallist for England Rugby at Under 16 level but sadly was not selected due to his height – he was 5’7” which just wasn’t tall enough, which really upset him – he’d trained so hard but nature had defeated him. But he was popular, good-looking, enjoyed life and had everything going for him and (we thought) a bright future ahead. A 17 year old rugby team-mate of his wrote to us after he died “He was an amazing captain ... in another era I would have followed Adam into battle”, such was the trust and love he engendered. He left school after A levels and, not wanting to go to university, he took an office job which really wasn’t for him, then worked with my brother in Dubai for six weeks, as a hospitality team manager at the Asian Games, a huge production similar to the Olympics in scale. He was homesick and returned home in January 2007, then was off skiing straight away! He spent another short period in office work and then in May 2007, having just turned 19, on the spur of the moment he flew out to Zante with a friend to work the summer in Greece. He got work straight away, as it was the beginning of the season – he was having a ball. I still have this text on my mobile phone that Adam sent on 21st May 2007: “Weathers great meetin loads of people its quality at the mo loads of jobs about quality weather! Love u x x x x x “. (He obviously didn’t have time for punctuation!). Just six weeks later, he died. For those that thankfully have not gone down this terrible road, it is impossible to imagine the pain of losing a child, but the death of a young man with everything to live for was, and is, indescribably hard to cope with. There are so many questions, and hardly any answers. Four years on, we know how he died, but we still do not know why, and perhaps we never will – only Adam himself could tell us that. From the moment of hearing that he had died, we have been comforted and taken strength from many people. Our family, friends, rugby coaches and teachers from Adam’s school have been wonderful, but as bereaved parents all learn, only a handful are comfortable talking about your child, even more so as time passes and you should have ‘moved on’. But over this period we have also had unstinting care and support from Adam’s incredible friends. Boys and girls who lost their dear friend at the end of their teenage years have been there over and over for us. I cannot tell you what this has meant. Shortly after Adam died we invited his friends over one afternoon to get together and spend time with them. I think they may have hoped for some explanation of what happened but we were unable to give that, not knowing ourselves. But at the end of the afternoon as people were leaving, I gave each of them a little photo of him with a poem printed on the back (chosen by his sister Melanie for his funeral service) and a short note asking them to please keep in touch as we would be able to see where he might have been, had his life progressed, through his friends’ development, travels and relationships. And keep in touch they certainly have... at Christmas, birthdays and the anniversary of 1st July, and at many other times too. We have seen them through universities at home and abroad, finding their first jobs, heard about their travels, and been overwhelmed and heartened at how they still care so much for our boy. They have been fundraising too on several occasions by undertaking marathons and half marathons and money has been raised for MIND, for the school’s rugby and French departments,, and for RNLI to name but a few. Next year, for what would have been his 24th birthday, his friends are arranging a special fundraising day and evening do at Sidcup Rugby Club in Adam’s memory as it will be five years since they shared his birthday with him in person. Adam’s friend Chelsea has just gained a place in the London Marathon for 2012 to run for MIND in Adam’s memory. She wrote about him in her application to the charity and told me that she burst into tears when they confirmed she had a place, she was so overwhelmed. I’ve read her account and it is one of the most moving pieces I have ever read. This is an amazing group of young people with a strength and maturity far beyond their years but their love for, and support of each other and us (especially keeping an eye out for Adam’s younger brother, Marcus – now at university himself) is truly heartening. As I write this piece, the early September mornings bring poignant reminders of the start of the new school year and the hopes of a whole new generation – study hard, do your best, be respectful and well mannered, and life will be good.... But we have learned at terrible cost that the path ahead is not predictable no matter how hard you work, how loved you are. In 1989 my brother and sister-in-law lost their first baby at 5 weeks old and that was a terrible time for the family. Adam was just a few months old and I felt so guilty at having a beautiful healthy baby. Since that time I had never knowingly met any bereaved parents and after Adam died I needed to do so, I had to know whether the physical and mental pain I was in would last as if that was the case I probably would have just given up. But I had incredible support from a very special bereavement counsellor, Hazel, whose patience and kindness got me through those first few months. And after my counselling finished I contacted The Compassionate Friends via a phone call to the helpline. The lady I spoke to was so kind and she put me in touch with the Bromley Group who again helped me through the next stage of my grief. My life is very busy and I don’t get to many meetings now but the personal support from the other members during the time I was attending regularly was vital. ‘Compassion’ is another hugely important link and I have made good friends via its pages, meeting up with other mums and learning how they have coped. This all gives me hope for a future that is worth living and a life that is full, and ultimately one day I know that I will see my lovely son again. So although this has been the hardest time of our lives, we have also been shown incredible kindness, strength and love from many sources, to help us find a way forward. For this I can’t thank all those people enough. Christina Ford