Can you believe that I started putting your Tribute together in October 2007, three months after you'd gone...and now it's October 2012 and I'm still writing, five years on. We have a puppy now,you and Marcus always wanted one and we always said no, too busy, we're working full time and it wouldn't be fair, etc. etc. But in these last five years my life has changed so much and at last we have the dog. I know you'd love him, he's such a friendly, happy little dog and people make such a fuss of him. He's become a little companion for me, something to take care of and give lots of love to. Although dogs aren't allowed in the cemetery, I walked up to visit you today with him and sneaked him in while I tidied up your grave. You've got red roses at the moment, and I try to get to you every week to bring fresh flowers. He's very good there, just sits quietly,waiting. His name's Bailey, which is weird because that name just came to me after we'd had him for at least a week. Then Beth told me that Foz's dog is called Bailey too, maybe a coincidence, maybe you were telling me to give him the same name. The autumn leaves are falling fast now, daylight hours are fading and on Sunday the clocks go back and we're back in the dark for 6 months. I hate this time of year, it drains my energy and I don't have so much of that as I used to, either, even though I'm now doing two jobs! As I type this, Bailey's going mad as someone's let off an early firework and it's the first time he's heard a banger go off. For a small dog he's very noisy! It seems impossible that five years and three months have passed. I'm not quite sure how I've got through them really. Loads of support at the beginning, counselling for the first year, support of your friends, my friends, family. Now I'm hoping to give support to other bereaved parents as a member of the Compassionate Friends, although in truth we all help each other as all the members are bereaved parents or siblings. It still hurts like hell that you aren't here, and how you died still tears me apart. Love you forever. Mum xxxxx